dis is one topic I read recently and I thought it is necessary dat I share it wit everyone..
First of all I shud start off with sayin de basic difference between relating and relationship.. relating is to love and relationship is to marry.. relating is somethn dat s somethn still open, free flowin and unending but relationship is closed, finished and complete..
we would all prefer for a relationship bcos it gives more security and stability.. but dat is point where de love ends.. love no more flows.. its de point where ppl start takin de other for granted and love dies there.. how can someone be so sure dat he knows de other person.. man is made so very complex dat it takes time for him to understand himself let alone others understandin him.. so first lesson in relationship is to keep de other person free of u.. and keep urself free of de other as well.. caring, being concern is all a part of relating.. its oly wen u relate that u can give de other person all dat u can..
Human beings are processes.. and processes do change.. and how can u take processes for granted.. de person u see today is definitely different tomo.. de person u spoke to today cannot be de same tomo.. and so now where s de point of sayin u kno de person very well.. wen u relate u see ur companion as a person u have never met.. u always see him as a person with frsh ideas and a new person.. If u think ur companion does not change then he or she has to be a TV or a computer that does not change..
Wen u re relating u always try to get acquainted.. u always try to delve into de others mind and try to find new things about them u’ll start accepting the different faces of the other’s personality.. but in a realtionship u’ll always want de other person to fulfill ur wishes and u’ll always want them to behave de way u want them to..
Relating will make de other person a mirror.. u can start reading urself from them.. and start learning as much as possible from them..But in a realationship u do not see them eye to eye.. u do not see their inner feelings u do not see de deepest beauty in them.. it s de fear of losing them dat makes u get into a relationship.. it s at dis point dat de love for de other dies.. wen de expectations increase love no more remains de same.. wen u start expecting de person to do somethn for u.. de more u kno abt de person de mysterious he gets.. Realting is about finding new ways of loving the other person.. it’s a honeymoon dat would go on and on..
When u re closed u cannot relate urself.. it s necessary that u remain open to ideas and share them as well.. Explore urself and start loving de inner self.. generally ppl tend not to look into themselves bcos each person is ugly within.. and they do not want to bring the ugliness out.. Jealousy, Possessiveness are something dat everyone wud get rid of once they start relating..
Find out urself first..love urself.. make urself beautiful and then a lovely heart will automatically find a lovely heart for itself..
There is one controversial idea that I came across.. ppl u can put in ur comments on dat too.. isn marriage jus a means of securing onselves and makin sure by legal contract dat de person does not leave de other..?? marriage is relationship and relationship puts an end to love.. and if love has to continue evn after marriage it is necessary dat ppl start learning to relate themselves.. marriage is jus about security and guarantee.. isn love itself a guarantee???
First of all I shud start off with sayin de basic difference between relating and relationship.. relating is to love and relationship is to marry.. relating is somethn dat s somethn still open, free flowin and unending but relationship is closed, finished and complete..
we would all prefer for a relationship bcos it gives more security and stability.. but dat is point where de love ends.. love no more flows.. its de point where ppl start takin de other for granted and love dies there.. how can someone be so sure dat he knows de other person.. man is made so very complex dat it takes time for him to understand himself let alone others understandin him.. so first lesson in relationship is to keep de other person free of u.. and keep urself free of de other as well.. caring, being concern is all a part of relating.. its oly wen u relate that u can give de other person all dat u can..
Human beings are processes.. and processes do change.. and how can u take processes for granted.. de person u see today is definitely different tomo.. de person u spoke to today cannot be de same tomo.. and so now where s de point of sayin u kno de person very well.. wen u relate u see ur companion as a person u have never met.. u always see him as a person with frsh ideas and a new person.. If u think ur companion does not change then he or she has to be a TV or a computer that does not change..
Wen u re relating u always try to get acquainted.. u always try to delve into de others mind and try to find new things about them u’ll start accepting the different faces of the other’s personality.. but in a realtionship u’ll always want de other person to fulfill ur wishes and u’ll always want them to behave de way u want them to..
Relating will make de other person a mirror.. u can start reading urself from them.. and start learning as much as possible from them..But in a realationship u do not see them eye to eye.. u do not see their inner feelings u do not see de deepest beauty in them.. it s de fear of losing them dat makes u get into a relationship.. it s at dis point dat de love for de other dies.. wen de expectations increase love no more remains de same.. wen u start expecting de person to do somethn for u.. de more u kno abt de person de mysterious he gets.. Realting is about finding new ways of loving the other person.. it’s a honeymoon dat would go on and on..
When u re closed u cannot relate urself.. it s necessary that u remain open to ideas and share them as well.. Explore urself and start loving de inner self.. generally ppl tend not to look into themselves bcos each person is ugly within.. and they do not want to bring the ugliness out.. Jealousy, Possessiveness are something dat everyone wud get rid of once they start relating..
Find out urself first..love urself.. make urself beautiful and then a lovely heart will automatically find a lovely heart for itself..
There is one controversial idea that I came across.. ppl u can put in ur comments on dat too.. isn marriage jus a means of securing onselves and makin sure by legal contract dat de person does not leave de other..?? marriage is relationship and relationship puts an end to love.. and if love has to continue evn after marriage it is necessary dat ppl start learning to relate themselves.. marriage is jus about security and guarantee.. isn love itself a guarantee???
6 comments:
Good one... Makes me think. I would first start by saying that marriage is an institution that legitimizes the relationship between two people( you can probably understand why I say "people" ). While love is a higher order need, most people still seem to connect it with security(a lower order need), and use it merely as a means to satisfy this need. But can we actually blame people for this? Looking down the timeline, there are very few true romances that originally happened(in fact, i can't think of one). And in the fictional ones, the end seems to happen with marriage(or death, if the story is a sad one!). We have always been taught the "right" way to live. These rules give a structure to the way we lead our lives. Every religion seems to have its own diktats regarding this institution. But an open relationship seems to bring with itself a myriad of problems. If people who "relate" are to be in an open relationship rather than a close one, they always have the option of walking out. If, as you say, people are beings that change constantly, then there WILL come a time when either's change is going to be detrimental to the other, in one way or another. When that time comes, one of them is likely to take the easy option and walk out, thus causing immense pain and suffering to the other.
To be more clear, lets say one of the couple wants to have kids while the other doesn't. In such a case, one of them will walk out of the relationship sooner rather than later.
In such a scenario, a relationship would be definitely better, as people will have a little more constraints on them. This might sound bad, but let's say the same couple stay together because they are married. In some time, say 5 yrs, the one who didn't want the kid, might want to now. So, a problem that could have been solved if only there had been some patience, wouldn't be in your case. The adage that it takes more than love to keep a relationship going is absolutely true. It takes a huge effort. An easier way might not necessarily the right one. What do you think?
but don u thnk de love wud no more remain wen it becomes a burden for de person to remain in de relationship jus bcos they re married.. in de sense there re a lot of ppl who re absolutely unhappy wit de marriage but still they stay in it jus for de sake of it..??
There is one more thing i wud add is even in a relationship it wud be better if ppl start relating more than actually forcing u on de other person.. like u said if one of them doesn wnat a kid wy shud it always end in an argument.. they can obviously not force de other person of his/her idea.. i think dis s wat s missin in almost everyone..
i do not blame ppl for givin so much imp to marriage and relationship but isn each one born with de freedom to choose wat he wants..??
and now dat u say relationship between two PPL.. ( which is not legitimate ) shudn ppl start realisin dat there s nothn wrong in livin de way each one wants to..??
hmm... isn't there a slight contradiction in what you are saying? You say that, in the case of the child argument, one of them should not pressurize the other to have a child. Then you go on to say that everyone should be allowed to live the way he/she wants. The problem in this case is that one of them wants to have a child. They (probably) feel that their life is incomplete without one. In such a scenario, if the other person is not interested at all in having a child, there is no point in forcing him/her to take part in the process. Would a child born in such circumstances be loved equally by both its parents? This is where the dilemma of living for oneself vs living for the other person comes in. You could live for the other person and sacrifice a lot of things, or else live for yourself, and bring grief to your partner, probably finding you are incompatible with him/her at some point.
In your words, a relationship is a commitment... indeed for that matter every relationship is commitment, a friend for instance is expected to stand by your shoulders in times of trouble. One who says he cant for he is an independent entity and one has to deal with his own problems; is not deserved for even relating with others as friend, let alone he deserves relationship.
With love or marriage the commitment extends more than friendship from the avenues of caring, brotherhood to the avenues of intimacy, passion in love and adds attachment in marriage.
Now that attachment is the problem that arises in a deeper relationship. One tends to accept other partner completely or dominating and trying to change other to their views. Both are wrong in strong relations.
One claims it as undying love but actually makes the other partner demanding more. In course of time, the giver loses patience and destroys the tolerance for the other, thats when the love is lost. This might occur even in love.
Every relationship has to have a level of tolerance for the traits of the other partner and a cut off attached with it.
"One should not demand more or give more for a strong relation to survive"
In my view love and marriage are intertwined, one cannot be without other in a boy - gal relationship(Not sisterly love).
let me put this in simple terms..ill take 'relating' to love and 'relationship' to marriage coz that makes discussion simpler...love is the ambrosia for everyone..something which makes them strong and confident and induces in him/her a sense of belongingness...it is not put under real test until the person involved involves himself/herself in a relationship...marriage is a long term relationship which embraces love...this is the period wen responsibilities start adding on ur shoulders...and these are the adversaries of love and it is imperative that this love stands tall to prove its worth...and often it doesnt...this doesnt mean that these external factors kill the so-called love(i say this bcoz u never know its true love or nt until it is put under real test)...they just prove that it is not love which existed between the two but only a form of infatuation or attraction(not necessarily physical attraction but some sort of care and affection which vanishes over time) which brought them together...so relationship stands a true testimony to 'relating'
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